If a woman can't keep your boner up, she doesn't deserve it.

"Ever poop so hard your back cracked?"

"You need to make sure to bring an array of condoms with you. Because when you're about to fuck a girl and nature's bounty is splayed out before you, you need to determine your level of commitment. I went with the double walled to hit this bitch. I wasn't using no Bare Skin [Trojan] on that stank pussy."

Regarding nips of beer: "They're like the veal of beer. So tiny and juicy. I want to snap their necks open."

"Hey, anyone else notice that vagina kinda smells like taco seasoning?"