"Ever poop so hard your back cracked?"

"You need to make sure to bring an array of condoms with you. Because when you're about to fuck a girl and nature's bounty is splayed out before you, you need to determine your level of commitment. I went with the double walled to hit this bitch. I wasn't using no Bare Skin [Trojan] on that stank pussy."

Regarding nips of beer: "They're like the veal of beer. So tiny and juicy. I want to snap their necks open."

"Hey, anyone else notice that vagina kinda smells like taco seasoning?"